Losing Your Best Friend

The 13th Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year B




After the death of Saul, when David had returned from defeating the Amalekites, David remained two days in Ziklag.

17 David intoned this lamentation over Saul and his son Jonathan. 18 (He ordered that The Song of the Bow be taught to the people of Judah; it is written in the Book of Jashar.) He said: 19 Your glory, O Israel, lies slain upon your high places! How the mighty have fallen! 20 Tell it not in Gath, proclaim it not in the streets of Ashkelon; or the daughters of the Philistines will rejoice, the daughters of the uncircumcised will exult. 21 You mountains of Gilboa, let there be no dew or rain upon you, nor bounteous fields! For there the shield of the mighty was defiled, the shield of Saul, anointed with oil no more. 22 From the blood of the slain, from the fat of the mighty, the bow of Jonathan did not turn back, nor the sword of Saul return empty. 23 Saul and Jonathan, beloved and lovely! In life and in death they were not divided; they were swifter than eagles, they were stronger than lions. 24 O daughters of Israel, weep over Saul, who clothed you with crimson, in luxury, who put ornaments of gold on your apparel. 25 How the mighty have fallen in the midst of the battle! Jonathan lies slain upon your high places. 26 I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; greatly beloved were you to me; your love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women. 27 How the mighty have fallen, and the weapons of war perished! (2 Samuel 1:1, 17-27 NRSV)



Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD. 2 Lord, hear my voice! Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications! 3 If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, Lord, who could stand? 4 But there is forgiveness with you, so that you may be revered. 5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; 6 my soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning, more than those who watch for the morning. 7 O Israel, hope in the LORD! For with the LORD there is steadfast love, and with him is great power to redeem. 8 It is he who will redeem Israel from all its iniquities. (Psalm 130 NRSV)



When Jesus had crossed again in the boat to the other side, a great crowd gathered around him; and he was by the sea. 22 Then one of the leaders of the synagogue named Jairus came and, when he saw him, fell at his feet 23 and begged him repeatedly, "My little daughter is at the point of death. Come and lay your hands on her, so that she may be made well, and live." 24 So he went with him. And a large crowd followed him and pressed in on him. 25 Now there was a woman who had been suffering from hemorrhages for twelve years. 26 She had endured much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had; and she was no better, but rather grew worse. 27 She had heard about Jesus, and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28 for she said, "If I but touch his clothes, I will be made well." 29 Immediately her hemorrhage stopped; and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease. 30 Immediately aware that power had gone forth from him, Jesus turned about in the crowd and said, "Who touched my clothes?" 31 And his disciples said to him, "You see the crowd pressing in on you; how can you say,'Who touched me?'" 32 He looked all around to see who had done it. 33 But the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling, fell down before him, and told him the whole truth. 34 He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease." 35 While he was still speaking, some people came from the leader's house to say, "Your daughter is dead. Why trouble the teacher any further?" 36 But overhearing what they said, Jesus said to the leader of the synagogue, "Do not fear, only believe." 37 He allowed no one to follow him except Peter, James, and John, the brother of James. 38 When they came to the house of the leader of the synagogue, he saw a commotion, people weeping and wailing loudly. 39 When he had entered, he said to them, "Why do you make a commotion and weep? The child is not dead but sleeping." 40 And they laughed at him. Then he put them all outside, and took the child's father and mother and those who were with him, and went in where the child was. 41 He took her by the hand and said to her, "Talitha cum," which means, "Little girl, get up!" 42 And immediately the girl got up and began to walk about (she was twelve years of age). At this they were overcome with amazement. 43 He strictly ordered them that no one should know this, and told them to give her something to eat. (Mark 5:21-43 NRSV)



“LOSING YOUR BEST FRIEND”



At the end of my first year of college I had a Physics final exam. I didn’t like the class. It was required and not well taught, by Dr. Goldberger. The only bright spot was that my best friend, Doug, was in it. I wasn’t doing that well in the class. So, it came down to this—one of the questions on the exam saved me. If you could drill a hole through the earth, through the axis, and drop a bowling ball into the hole, what would happen? Well, assuming that there is no air in the hole and that the interior of the earth is not made up of molten rock and metal, the ball would get to the end, then be drawn back by gravity, get to the other end and be drawn back, and so on, and so on. When I turned in the exam, the lack of confidence was showing on my face, and Dr. Goldberger said that I looked like I just lost my best friend. Well, in a way I was. It was the end of the school year. We all were leaving. Doug and some of his friends were going to take a year off to travel the country. They did. Something I valued greatly was being taken away from me. When he came back, things had changed, we were in different circles.

The reading from 2 Samuel this morning is David’s song of mourning over Saul, who was king, and Saul’s son, Jonathan, who was David’s best friend. He pours out his heart in this song. He said that Israel’s glory died with them, and told them not to speak about it or the Philistines would hear it and rejoice over it. There should be no life-giving dew or rain on the mountains. The fields where they fell should not yield produce. Their weapons are now idle and their power is now only a memory. So David tells them to weep and he is greatly distressed. This is something he must let out.

This type of poem or song is present in the Bible, but rare in our lives. It is called lament, the outpouring of feelings and thoughts of sadness. We like happy endings and want to forget that there is much of life that does not have a happy ending. Often we do not make time to be sad for our losses or let others be sad for theirs. Most rarely of all is when we are sad for the losses of others. We are like Linda Loman in Arthur Miller’s play Death of a Salesman. When Willy is having a life crisis all she offers is an aspirin. “Don’t feel the pain,” it says. In lament, you take the time to know and feel and express grief. It might be elegant like David’s or simple and direct. It helps when those around you, in a supportive way, can let you grieve as you grieve and not push you to where they want you to be. It is not always easy to hear someone’s pain.

Bill Tammeus is a Presbyterian elder who has recently written about the ten-year anniversary of 9/11, certainly a major event of our times, when his own nephew was among those killed. The changes in his life in the following ten years include his nephew’s son being born, never knowing his father, and the remarriage of the widow, the mourning of his sister and her husband for the loss of their son and comforting the daughters and grandchildren. He reflects on what has not changed in those ten years. The evening news still declares disaster and violence. We have not lost our need for comfort, he says, and we still want to know that God is a loving God. He writes that churches can be the space for people to grieve. The danger is when we are too superficial to allow this. When we are with people in grief, we become the church for them. He writes: “Maybe what 10 years of living with 9/11 should teach us is that we are, finally, our brother’s keeper, our sister’s shoulder to cry on. And that’s a high calling, indeed.”

We cannot control the events of our world, or the losses that come into our lives, but there is something else. That is the message of the Gospel, that there is more than what we have here. The Gospel reading is the story of Jesus in our world. As he was traveling, a crowd gathered around him. A leader of the synagogue stopped him and begged him to heal his little daughter. On the way, a woman who had been suffering for twelve years was healed. When Jesus and Jairus approach his home they find that his daughter has died. Jesus raised her from the dead. Sometimes people focus on the supernatural event in the miracle, but I think it is better to ask what the miracle does for the people who receive it. This miracle is a taste of the resurrection. It points ahead to a day when all will be raised from the dead. It also points us to God who can give meaning to our sorrows. We do not always see that when we are in the middle of them. God is with us in our difficulties. With God, we find not only strength but meaning. Because of this hope we can keep moving with purpose in life. It is a reminder that losses are not forever.

We live in a world in which we are not free from losses. Some can be small and others, well, they are like losing your best friend. David poured out his heart in song about it. We might not be able to do that but we can find a community that can hear what is in our hearts, or be that community for others. We can find hope in unlikely places, hope in the midst of loss, which reminds us that we are not alone. That might be what we gain in loss. The journey of life moves on here. For everyone that journey involves some loss. That is why we need to know what we can take on that journey.



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